Hooking Up: Tinder vs. ISIS

isistinderIn a recent Vanity Fair article titled Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse” , reporter Nancy Jo Sales quotes a research scientist at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction thus: “There have been two major transitions” in heterosexual mating “in the last four million years. The first was around 10,000 to 15,000 years ago, in the agricultural revolution, when we became less migratory and more settled,” leading to the establishment of marriage as a cultural contract. “And the second major transition is with the rise of the Internet.” Sales goes on to lay out a fairly dim view of the state of dating today in which the sweet spot of virility and fecundity (20-somethings) seeks out their mates not via direct face-to-face interaction the way it was done in the good ole days of, say 10 long years ago, but rather through the popular if not impersonal app Tinder.

Essentially, people who rely on Tinder post some basic stuff about themselves – the profile photo being by far the most important element in the decision-making process – and itemize the characteristics of those whom they seek. Because the app knows where its users are, Tinder can supply photos of potential mates who are currently within the required striking range of the hunters (500 feet… 2 miles… all depends on the level of desperation.)

Tinder users can decide quite quickly based on the profile photo whether they have interest in pursuing something further – if yes, they swipe the picture to the right; if not, it’s a swift swipe to the left. The person being vetted knows nothing unless they also swipe right on the picture of a person who swiped right on them as well. No humiliation and bad feelings. And that’s a good thing. But as the article progresses it becomes clear that there is a sad hollowness about the whole thing. Sales chats up some Wall Street douchebags who explain the Tinder phenomenon this way: “It’s instant gratification and a validation of your own attractiveness by just, like, swiping your thumb on an app. You see some pretty girl and you swipe and it’s, like, oh, she thinks you’re attractive too, so it’s really addicting, and you just find yourself mindlessly doing it. Sex has become so easy. I can go on my phone right now and no doubt I can find someone I can have sex with this evening, probably before midnight.”

Overall, the Vanity Fair piece is unfavorable in its assessment of the ways and means of hooking up in the 21st Century, and Tinder, as the most widely-used method for it, takes a hit in the process. Curiously, Tinder went on a rampage in response to the story, going out to Twitter of all places to denounce the story. Maybe the barrage of Tweets was the result of a Tinder social media team gone bonkers, or a pre-planned counter-strike by “savvy” marketing dweebs, but most of the outside world’s reaction to the Twitter overload from Tinder was expectedly negative. Vox captured the zeitgeist as well as anyone. Vox said the article, “portrayed Tinder users as often shallow, sex-obsessed jerks,” and that’s an easy call.

But forget about Tinder. What about ISIS? Hell, imagine you’re in charge of helping thousands of smelly, unwashed, ignorant, hirsute, poverty-stricken bastards get laid. Do you think a greasy, strung-out terrorist can find a mate through an app like Tinder which places nearly 100 percent emphasis on looks? No chance. Hence: ISIS Matchmaking Service and Beheading Solutions. ®

Calling all repressed Muslim men around the world who can’t get laid like normal dudes!!

A scathing New York Times expose details the utter depravity of the ISIS clan. These wasted fuckers are beyond repair and deserving of annihilation; losers who are taught that raping an “infidel” is not a sin, and in fact brings them closer to God.

Feast your eyes on this sadistic bullshit: “In the moments before he raped the 12-year-old girl, the Islamic State fighter took the time to explain that what he was about to do was not a sin. Because the preteen girl practiced a religion other than Islam, the Quran not only gave him the right to rape her — it condoned and encouraged it, he insisted. He bound her hands and gagged her. Then he knelt beside the bed and prostrated himself in prayer before getting on top of her. When it was over, he knelt to pray again, bookending the rape with acts of religious devotion. “I kept telling him it hurts — please stop,” said the girl, whose body is so small an adult could circle her waist with two hands. “He told me that according to Islam he is allowed to rape an unbeliever. He said that by raping me, he is drawing closer to God.”

Could any of these eunuchs make time on Tinder?

Amazingly, these criminals extract permission for their depravity from the Koran. “There is a great deal of scripture that sanctions slavery,” said Cole Bunzel, a scholar of Islamic theology at Princeton University and the author of a research paper published by the Brookings Institution on the ideology of the Islamic State. “You can argue that it is no longer relevant and has fallen into abeyance. ISIS would argue that these institutions need to be revived, because that is what the Prophet and his companions did.”
Returning to the Kinsey guy: “There have been two major transitions” in heterosexual mating “in the last four million years.”

Apparently ISIS would like to reset the bar to 5 million years ago.

No doubt in my mind the vast majority of Islamists from around the globe rushing to the Middle East to join the jihad are really nothing more than perverted, sexually-frustrated wimps looking to achieve sexual release they could not attain under normal, modern-era standards.

And for that, they all must go to hell.

End Note: Fuck You Again, Microsoft

Any fundamental comp sci course on operating systems delivered since the mid-60s will inform you that the OS is responsible for whatever executes on the hardware system. A user tries to access protected memory? Blocked. A program tries to spawn an unauthorized routine? Aborted. This is basic shit, going back light-years.


Still, we must suffer the pain of pre-1990s laptop performance because Microsoft Windows can’t seem to intervene when some rogue script runs awry and becomes “unresponsive.” This tends to happen whenever you visit a webpage – so luckily it’s a rare occurrence.

Jesus, Microsoft! Don’t ask me if I want to wait for https://grindmyclitand.slipmesomepork.youfrottagelover.com to come back to life. Just kill the motherfucker!

What am I paying you for?

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