Hatchet Jobs Top Bestseller List

Musings of a best-selling author

About a month ago, the New York Times reported on a rapidly emerging glut of books on the subject of Donald Trump, noting, “this year is shaping up to be an exceptional one in terms of the sheer volume of writing devoted to Mr. Trump. Some publishers and writers are exhuming out-of-print Trump biographies published decades ago and slapping new covers and introductions on them. Others are rushing out new books that explore Mr. Trump’s stunning political rise.”

Completely understandable given the morbid fascination with Trump’s sketchy background and his increasingly bizarre behavior. Still, the top three Best Sellers on this week’s NYT Book Review non-fiction list are hit-jobs on … Hillary Clinton (no. 12 is a screed by the ignorant and smug Fox talking head Eric Bolling titled “Wake Up America: The Nine Virtues That Made Our Nation Great–and Why We Need Them More Than Ever” that blames Obama and Hillary Clinton for all the nation’s ills, real or imagined.) The top 15 list includes not a single one of the many Trump books that industrious publishers are said to be churning out in the lead-up to Election Day.


The imbalance in buyer activity for books about the two presidential candidates implies to me that haters on the right want and need constant reassurance that their views are valid and shared by others – whereas the haters on the left are less-inclined to seek out mutual comfort from like-minded members of their tribe. They seem to be more confident in the foundations of their opinions than their counterparts on the right who demand a daily fix of reinforcement from AM radio, Fox News, and the NY Post lest they discover one day it was all a hallucination.

Interestingly, the top three books all bear the ignominious burden of having been authored by complete and utter fools.

Number one this week is “Crisis of Character: A White House Secret Service Officer Discloses His Firsthand Experience with Hillary, Bill, and How They Operate” by former Secret Service agent Gary J. Byrne, in which a man sworn to protect the president tries to offer slime on the Clintons that he purportedly witnessed while on duty. Think about that. If every person protected by the Secret Service had to worry about their personal activity being exposed by a future media whore, how could the protection system function? Nonetheless, Byrne’s book is more along the lines of a boring autobiography than a scintillating expose of human sacrifice and satanic rituals overseen by the Clintons. Typical of the reviews on Amazon is this observation: “This book is little more than a re-hash of Bill Clinton’s indiscretions and Gary Byrne’s ax grinding against the Secret Service.” More telling though is this from a review of a hater on the right: “I bought this book thinking I would learn more about the Clinton’s.” Learn more, you glutton? Clearly, no amount of indiscriminate prying into the lives of the Clintons over the past 30 years is too much for some losers.

Nutcase Dinesh D’Souza is aptly number two this week. His hatchet piece is titled “Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party.” Published by hard-right Regnery Press, the cover of “Hillary’s America” boasts a blurb by of all people “The Exorcist” author William Peter Blatty – in case there was any doubt about the tone of D’Souza’s rag. D’Souza pled guilty in 2014 to the charge of using a straw donor to make an illegal political campaign donation, and was sentenced to eight months in a halfway house, five years probation, and a $30,000 fine. Prior to that, super holy Christian D’Souza was forced to resign as president of King’s College after he was scoped out having a tryst in a motel with a woman who was not his wife. But hey – he’s a moral authority on the evils of Hillary Clinton.

Finally we come to number three on the Hit parade: Dick Morris – everyone’s favorite ingrate. The pompous and despicable Morris has penned another (toe)nail-biter modestly called “Armageddon: How Trump can Beat Hillary.” (I wonder if Morris got his inspiration from Steve Gill’s prescient 2007 book, “The Fred Factor: How Fred Thompson May Change the Face of the ’08 Campaign”). Right about now, Hillary Clinton’s gotta be wishing she killed Dick Morris instead of Vince Foster. Among the Dick’s recommendations for the Donald are: get more white people to vote, trash Wall Street (that should be a convincing tactic coming from a billionaire like Trump), and amazingly, win over women, blacks and Hispanics!? Not surprisingly, nearly a quarter of the reviews for “Armageddon” on Amazon are one-star. But Morris is nothing if not resilient – somehow this moron manages to infiltrate his way into political talk shows despite a sparkling history of being wrong on practically every count.


Before we move on, let’s come back to Eric Bolling. This is a man who claimed without shame on television, “I’ll tell you about who doesn’t know a whole lot about terrorism, is President Obama. And he’s proven that over the last eight years. If you point to Bin Laden, that wasn’t Obama’s administration that got Bin Laden. That was the Bush administration that set up the kill shot, and Obama took the kill shot.” Talk about terminally deluded. Bin Laden was killed in 2011, years after Bush faded into the Texas brush. This is what Bush had to say in 2002:

Our 19th Century Congress

schumer skeeter

Senator Chuck Schumer pleaded this week with his fellow congressmen to step up and fully fund the effort to combat the insidious Zika virus which is beginning to pop up with more regularity north of the Equator, including Schumer’s state of New York. He wants them to approve a $1.9 billion emergency bill. Schumer said, “This emergency funding package is an investment because the cost of doing nothing — which is what we are doing right now while Congress is on recess — will cost us even more in both dollars and in health consequences.” He added, “That’s why I’ve joined my colleagues in urging Congress to go back to Washington-even for just a day-to pass this $1.9 billion emergency bill to help fight Zika.”

That’s all – just arrange for 535 people to fly back to Washington DC for a day to close the deal. What the fuck! Why can’t Congress join the 20th Century (forget the 21st for now – too big a lift) and allow its far-flung members to vote over the internet. Or though an app. Or over the freaking phone. Come on you sclerotic institution – if you’re going to be out of the office 254 days a year, at least figure out a way to get a couple important things done while you’re back home fly-fishing with CEOs and groveling for money.

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