Feel the Johnson

garyAsked about what he would do as president with regard to the ongoing tragedy in Aleppo, Syria, Libertarian candidate and lightweight moron Gary Johnson asked, “What is Aleppo?” Incredulous questioner Mike Barnicle could only respond “You’re kidding.” Maybe Gary thought a leppo was a cross between a lemming and a hippo.

Earlier in June, after speaking at a Politico event, Johnson was led to the Harriet Tubman room, and yes, he asked “Who’s Harriet Tubman?”

Johnson admitted his frustration and noted “I have to get smarter and that’s just part of the process.” Hard to disagree but how about getting smarter before running for the most powerful position in the world?

In a weird presidential race where traditional partisans are leery of voting for their own candidates, a guy like Johnson running as a third party candidate has the potential to throw the result one way or the other. Given the magnitude of such influence, it’s a travesty that a dimwit should be the nominee.

We at Major Terata conducted detailed research into Johnson’s background for additional gaffes and uncovered some disturbing incidents.

  • As New Mexico’s governor, Johnson was asked about what lessons could be learned from the exploits of 18th century pioneer Richard Hertz. He asked, “Whose Dick Hurts?”
  • Offered a chance to purchase a 1939 Henway, Johnson asked, “What’s a hen weigh?” to which he received the answer: “8 pounds.”
  • During an interview with CNN’s Don Lemon, Johnson was asked his opinions on Red China. He said “it goes well with a blue tablecloth.”
  • Asked about Kim Jong-Un, Johnson let it be known that he didn’t see it, but was looking forward to watching the sequel, “Kim Jong Deux.”
  • Commenting on “Brexit,” Gary admitted he wasn’t aware Brad Pitt had left Angelina Jolie.
  • Called a “corn hole” by a heckler, Johnson said he agreed that ethanol subsidies are bad.
  • Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe confided to Johnson that he has cataracts. Gary responded that he prefers to drive Lincolns.


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