What Swamp?


Dateline December 21 via CNN: “Gingrich: Trump dropping ‘drain the swamp’

“Drain the swamp” was a refrain of Donald Trump during the presidential campaign, but Newt Gingrich says the president-elect “doesn’t want to use it anymore. “I’m told he now just disclaims that. He now says it was cute, but he doesn’t want to use it anymore,” Gingrich, who informally advises Trump, said Wednesday on NPR’s “Morning Edition.”

Yes, “Drain the Swamp” has become just one more discarded and meaningless juvenile Trump slogan that was used during his vanity campaign to dupe his base into enabling the orange man to recite the Oaf of Office (unless he Tweets it instead) in a couple of weeks.

By now it should be clear: Trump’s bumper sticker blather has morphed into a softened replacement for everything “bullshit.” For example:

A father of two who might normally interject “I call bullshit” on a friend who’s just bragged that he French-kissed Gwen Stefani in the local Hardy’s can instead exclaim, “I call ‘Drain the Swamp!’” In so doing, the father can express righteous indignation while avoiding the utterance of a bad word in the presence of his little kids.

And should a jaunty fellow sipping a Hudson Bourbon Old Fashioned in a tony bar while perusing the Atlantic Monthly note that Hillary Clinton won 3 million more popular votes than Trump, brown-shirts around him can retort, “I call ‘Lock Her Up!’ After all, what could be worse than chanting “zieg heil” than spouting the word “bullshit”?

And if some bleeding heart liberal tries to make a case that deporting 11 million immigrants would be a financial catastrophe and an attack on “family values”, any border vigilante could respond with a sarcastic “I call ‘Build the Wall’.” Makes perfect sense now that “Build the Wall” is synonymous with “bullshit.”

Soon we should see other Trump synonyms for “bullshit” make their way into the vernacular:
“I know more about ISIS than the generals”
“No one respects women more than Donald Trump”
“I was totally against the war in Iraq”
“Thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down”

Okay, some of these synonyms for “bullshit” don’t roll off the tongue, but such a wide collection to choose from.

Camouflage & Cufflinks

Trump’s two grown sons recently hatched a brilliant way to scarf up some more money from soulless sycophants looking for favors from the president-erect while reducing the population of wild animals at the same time: selling a hunting trip accompanied by your choice of son (Eric or Don, Jr.) for $500,000 to $1 million. No mention of whether Marlon Perkins would come along to narrate the action, although rumor has it the hunt would take place at the San Diego Zoo.

But in a cruel turn, Eric concluded the stunt might sully the purity of the Trump name and cancelled the event which had been dubbed “Camouflage & Cufflinks.” “Ammo & Asslicking” might have been the more appropriate appellation for the sweaty “pay to slay” soiree.

Although disappointing, big donors with big boners can still go on a hunt with Dick Cheney for a modest fee of $100 which includes a box of shotgun shells and a life insurance policy with an accidental death rider.

Don Jr. presents his fiancee with the trophy beagle he bagged on the 14th hole.

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