Carl Paladino Knows Mad Cow Disease

TrumpcarlArtvoice, a Buffalo-based media outlet recently posed a set of four mundane questions to local personalities as part of an end-of-year puff piece. It’s the kind of thing many local newspapers and e-zines commonly publish in the slow weeks leading to a new year. Here are Artvoice’s scintillating questions:

1. What would you most like to happen in 2017?
2. What would you like to see go away in 2017?
3. Who would you like to see run for mayor of Buffalo in next year’s election?
4. Should the new $50 million Amtrak station be at Central Terminal or Canal Side?

Sue Marfino, the owner of a retail shop called Shoefly predictably answered the first two questions as follows: 1) A return to shopping in communities and at brick & mortar stores, and 2) Mindless shopping online. Jan Jezioro, Artvoice’s classical music columnist was a bit more partisan with his responses: 1) Impeachment of Donald Trump, and 2) Donald Trump; as was Jeff Mucciarelli, co-owner of 31 Club who said 1) ISIS removed from this earth, and 2) President Obama and the Clinton corruption.

Everyone offered an opportunity to email answers to Artvoice’s questions came back with reasonably thoughtful, if irreverent responses. Everyone, that is, but Carl Paladino, real-estate developer, school-board member, one-time failed candidate for New York State governor, and self-described friend of Trump. Apparently misunderstanding the light-hearted tone expected from Artvoice in a holiday season, Cro-Magnon Carl vented his spleen in a way he might have thought was amusing but came across to most sentient beings as horribly vicious – and unfunny.

1. Obama catches mad cow disease after being caught having relations with a Herford. He dies before his trial and is buried in a cow pasture next to Valerie Jarret, who died weeks prior, after being convicted of sedition and treason, when a Jihady cell mate mistook her for being a nice person and decapitated her.
2. Michelle Obama. I’d like her to return to being a male and let loose in the outback of Zimbabwe where she lives comfortably in a cave with Maxie, the gorilla.

Wow. That’s the kinda guy we all wish was on our school board.

Given a chance to prognosticate 2017, Paladino reached into the abyss of bestiality, racism, and paranoid Islamaphobia. Michelle Obama turning back to male? Living with a gorilla? Damn, even Obama haters had to wince a bit at that. And what’s with the arcane reference to Valerie Jarret, someone virtually no one outside the beltway has ever heard of? Is she the biggest boogie-woman Paladino could think of?

When questioned about his words (and implicitly, his sanity), Mr. Charming replied, “It has nothing to do with race.” He went on, as is so often the case with racists, to blame the media, “That’s the typical stance of the press when they can’t otherwise defend the acts of the person being attacked.” (Read more of how Paladino sees things here. )

Remember: Paladino’s words were not something he foolishly uttered by accident in a breezy interview; the dude took the time and effort to craft this slimy shit before pressing send on his semen-crusted keyboard.

Naturally, Paladino came in for some rancid opprobrium following his intemperate commentary.

Erie County Executive Mark C. Poloncarz called on Paladino to resign immediately, as did Assemblyman Sean Ryan of Buffalo. Governor Cuomo slammed the remarks as “racist, ugly and reprehensible.” William Paladino, son of Carl, called his old-man’s ravings “disrespectful and absolutely unnecessary.” The head of the Buffalo School Board wants his addled head on a platter.

Hell, even Trump’s transition team found the whole thing sordid, writing in a statement, “Carl’s comments are absolutely reprehensible, and they serve no place in our public discourse.” It’s interesting to note that Trump himself couldn’t find the time or energy to type out 140 characters to call out Carl – maybe he was too busy working on something more important like slamming Alec Baldwin (again) for his SNL impressions.

But before we shun Paladino for the rest of eternity, let’s consider a likely explanation for his “reprehensible” comments: Poor Carl himself is suffering from mad cow disease – not exclusively from having sex with a Herford, but from consuming one of those Trump Steaks that sat out too long under the Klieg lights.

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Could this be the cause of Carl Paladino’s intemperate musings?

Read the reviews.

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