Trump and His Executive Odors

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NAFTA-hater Trump signed two executive orders this past Friday that are intended to lay the groundwork for new policies and stricter enforcement of trade laws. In a ceremony akin to the recognition of a Nobel laureate, the Orange man scribbled his moniker in a wide-tip sharpie across leather-bound vellum beneath words he probably never read – or cared too much about. Then he held up the orders for all to see like a proud second-grader proving that in addition to being able to tell time and draw a circle using a coffee can, he can also write his own name.

People who heard “Artist of the Deal” Trump on the campaign trail repeatedly froth at the mouth about NAFTA (“the worst thing that ever happened”) and claiming he could cut a better deal starting day one might be confused by his newly subdued approach to the mostly-copacetic agreement among the U.S., Canada and Mexico.

Rabid Trump candidate has turned into Flimsy Trump president. Instead of ripping up the deal, wiping his ass with the scraps, and going it alone, Trump has reduced himself to signing banal pieces of paper ordering his underlings to study stuff.

As reported in the New York Times, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross said, “These actions are designed to let the world know that this is another step in the president fulfilling his campaign promise.”

The operative word here is “designed.” Because Trump’s regular autograph sessions in the White House amount to nothing more than bad theater. He just wants to check off campaign promises – whether truly fulfilled or not. The man is a flagrant checker-offer! What really happened in this solemn signing ceremony was Trump ordering his Commerce Department to conduct a 90-day study of abusive trade practices that contribute to the United States’ trade deficit.

Understand this: Trump calls in a bunch of staff, advisers, family members, various sycophants and press photogs to witness him giving a subordinate an assignment. Nothing more. That’s like Jeff Bezos of Amazon calling in all his senior VPs, half the board of directors, and the top reporters from the Seattle Times to watch him direct a warehouse manager to conduct an inventory of Thighmasters.

A dysfunctional Congress won’t let Trump pull off anything substantial, so he’s left with no other escape than to sign inconsequential orders that would normally be handed out in a routine closed-door staff meeting. I was gonna say “SAD!” but “pathetic” seems more apropos.

O’Reilly Wigs Out

Bill O’Reilly made fun of Rep. Maxine Waters’s hair, comparing it to a wig reportedly worn by soul-master James Brown. He later apologized.

Maybe the 78 year old Waters does sport a wig which would put her in the company of Sean Connery, John Travolta, Stevie Van Zandt and Burt Reynolds, but calling her out for a hair faux pas made Mr. Factor seem just a bit douchy. Especially since he once screwed his hair on like this:

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Furthermore, given the fateful history of others who have made cracker wise-cracks about blacks, O’Reilly’s snarkiness was also stupid. Consider these famous people who cracked wise and found their livelihoods subsequently crimped.


After dominating radio for decades, Don Imus was forced off the air for making some unflattering remarks. By using the word “hoe” ofay Don sounded like both a racist and a farmer.


Pro golfer Fuzzy Zoeller blew a nice endorsement contract after dissing Tiger Woods. Never a good move to bring up fried chicken and collard greens unless you’re a guest on Rachel Rae’s cooking show.


The Greek was over the hill already, but why go out like a drunken plantation owner?

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