Alien Abduction

trumpalienThere’s only one explanation for it: Trump was abducted by aliens and replaced with a hollow orange shell topped by a lemon meringue hairpiece. Sometime after January 20 – perhaps from the rooftop of Trump Tower or the 9th hole at Mar-A-Lago – aliens took over a man who had boasted bluntly about upending the status quo in America, and left the country with a guy who seems to have misremembered everything he promised as a candidate.

On China

Then: “On day one of a Trump administration, the US Treasury Department will designate China a currency manipulator. I will direct the Secretary of the Treasury to label China a currency manipulator.”

Now: “They’re not currency manipulators.”

On NATO

Then: “I said a long time ago that NATO had problems. Number one it was obsolete, because it was designed many, many years ago.”

Now: “I said it’s obsolete. Now it’s no longer obsolete.”

On Syria

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On the Export-Import Bank

Then: “I don’t like it because I don’t think it’s necessary.”

Now: “Actually, it’s a very good thing. And it actually makes money, it could make a lot of money.”

On the Border Wall

Then: “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

Now: “We’re going to get reimbursed. But I don’t want to wait that long. But you start, and then you get reimbursed.”

On Moving the American Embassy to Jerusalem

Then: “I’ll move the embassy on day one.”

Now: “I am thinking about the embassy, I am studying the embassy [issue], and we will see what happens. The embassy is not an easy decision.”

On Unemployment

Then: “Don’t believe these phony numbers. The number is probably 28, 29, as high as 35. In fact, I even heard recently 42 percent.”

Now: (Spicer) “I talked to the president prior to this, and he said to quote him for this, ‘they may have been phony in the past, but it’s very real now.”

On the Debt

Then: Get rid of the more than $19 trillion debt “over a period of eight years.”

Now: (Mulvaney) “I’m not going to be able to pay off $20 trillion worth of debt in four years.”

On the Military

Then: “We’re going to rebuild out military. Our military is in shambles.”

Now: “It’s so incredible. It’s brilliant. It’s genius. Our technology, our equipment, is better than anybody by a factor of five. I mean look, we have, in terms of technology, nobody can even come close to competing.”

On Healthcare

Then: “I know that we’re all gonna make a deal on health care — that’s a very easy one. And I think that’s gonna happen very quickly.”

Now: “Now, I have to tell you, it’s an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.”

On Golfing

Then: “I’m going to be working for you, I’m not going to have time to go play golf.”

Now:

trumpgolf

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