Is Frottage a Family Value?

shorteyI used to enjoy the jolt of schadefreude that came with the inevitable next case of a bible-thumping, evangelical-type family-values pimp ignominiously revealed to be a randy hypocrite living exactly the lascivious life for which he would thoroughly and publicly condemn his lessers – especially those god-denying liberals residing in forlorn towns such as Sodom, NY and Gomorrah, CA.

Who wouldn’t take guilty pleasure in the foibles of such holier-than-thou cretins as David Vitter (prostitutes), Mark Sanford (adultery), Dennis Hastert (pedophilia) and Larry Craig (gay solicitation). It’s just too rich. [Note I didn’t cite Anthony Weiner and Bill Clinton because they never posed as holier-than-thou – and although they misbehaved, at least they didn’t have “hypocrite” on their resumes.]

But now, it seems the magic has worn off. We at Major Terata have simply tired of the relentless outing of right-wing scolds who harbor salacious skeletons in their over-stuffed closets. What was once a thrill has become sadly routine. No longer surprising. In fact, we’ve come to expect it. The vehement ire these sanctimonious nags have against gays and their lifestyles is directly proportional to their propensity to puff peter. It’s so predictable now that the shock and its commensurate charm have worn off.

Roy Moore has gobbled all the attention, but just under the radar a steady stream flows of hypocrites calling for the demolition of gay rights and the imposition of their narrow view of family values

Take for example 33 year old Wesley Goodman, an Ohio lawmaker who is staunchly against gay marriage and stands proudly for “the ideals of a loving father and mother” and “committed natural marriage.” We now know holier-than-thou Wesley also digs consensual sex with men of his gender.

And then it was reported the other day that former Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey will plead guilty to charges related to his sexual encounter with a 17 year old boy in a room at the dazzling and chic Super 8 Motel. Shortey (coincidentally the nickname he gave his member) rose fast in state Republican politics, and with the help of the Baptist community funded an underdog campaign to win a seat in 2010. He’s pro-family and anti-abortion natch, and was instrumental in introducing a bill to ban food made with aborted fetuses. And here I thought it was OK to include fetus parts as long as they listed it among the ingredients.

If Shortey gets his way, you’ll no longer be able to enjoy this staple of holiday meals

Just as the NRA and other special interests assign scores to politicians based on their fealty to the cause, someone should rate the same pols on their likelihood to tumble into scandal. Perhaps a consortium including Kik, Tinder, Grindr, Snapchat, Tango, Craigslist and WhatsApp can take up the challenge – given they hold all the salacious evidence in their mighty cloud.

Never Knew That

Who invented this 18th century WMD?

I was working a New York Times crossword the other day and met up with this clue: “Henry ______ who invented the exploding shell.” I had no idea, but the beauty of crosswords is that you can solve unknown clues by filling in words running the opposite direction. Eventually I completed the puzzle – and in doing so learned something new. See below for Henry’s last name.

Trump’s Drinking Problem

In a Larry King interview in 2006 with Donald Trump the subject of the newly-launched Trump Vodka came up. Trump has touted it as the greatest vodka of all time – better than all the other top-shelf brands, predicting, “by the summer of 06, I fully expect the most called for cocktail in America to be the T&T or the Trump and Tonic.” I don’t think that ever happened – and today, when the name Trump is mentioned, it’s more likely people will think T&A.

Getting back to the King interview on CNN, sclerotic Larry asked, “How do you know how good it is?” And Trump, who doesn’t drink alcohol, replied, “I have been told that it’s a fantastic vodka.” Now that’s a tell: Trump extolling the virtues of something for which he personally knew nothing about. That would become one of his hallmark traits as president – spouting off boastfully about his unique insight on trade deals, health care, diplomacy, economics and much more, only to retreat with a variation of “no one knew how complicated it is.”

Trump doesn’t imbibe alcohol because he witnessed the sad decline and ultimate death of his older brother due to alcoholism. Nevertheless, Trump clearly has a drinking problem as you can see.

Read here for more about Henry Shrapnel.

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