Trump signed a bill this week that hikes spending, increases the deficit and raises the debt ceiling.
Now for a trip down memory-hole lane.
The Straight Poop
Unlike most companies, toilet paper manufacturers can’t advertise on TV by depicting the proper use of their product for the purposes for which it is intended. Dodge can demonstrate Ram trucks scaling the steep, red mesas of the American Southwest without getting ticketed by the National Park Service, TaylorMade can highlight Jason Day beating golf balls 350 yards so as to convince a 30-handicapper that he can do likewise, and Sonic can show two bi-curious simpletons in their car deep-throating a Chili Cheese Coney.
But the makers of toilet paper really can’t depict some guy wiping his ass after taking a nice, satisfying shit. That’s a road too far. Instead, the ads invariably skirt the obvious by showing people (or cute animals) caressing the paper, absorbing liquids with it, or in probably the most famous TV ad campaign for toilet paper, squeezing it.
Charmin got the point across that their paper is softer than a corn cob by introducing Mr. Whipple, a skeezy grocery store manager who harps on female customers for squeezing the product, only to be caught molesting the rolls himself in the end. This foolishness went on for many years.
Now, we have a new form of toilet paper ad that seeks to weave the many uses of toilet paper (except ass-wiping) into the fabric of our lives. Consider this ad for AngelSoft:
The piece features a progression of vignettes starting with a doting single father (who looks like a stereotype liberal from central casting) holding his baby daughter while waiting to enter the women’s bathroom so he can change her diaper and ending with him comforting his grown-up and bawling teenaged daughter after her date went badly. AngelSoft manages to somehow insert toilet paper into each vignette. In the middle, the father teaches his daughter how to shave her legs by demonstrating the task on his own hairy appendage – and when he nicks himself, AngelSoft comes to the rescue.
The big question: does this guy have no adult female friends who could step in once in awhile to help with the “girl” stuff? And does the daughter have no friends who can share grooming tips?
Because if they don’t, I’d hate to imagine how good old dad personally demonstrates for his daughter the proper way to use feminine hygiene products.