Doping & Curling. What’s Next, Pine Tar on Those Little Brooms?

Aleksandr Krushelnitckii snorts human growth hormone off his bronze medal.

Curling may not appear to be a difficult game, but precise deployment of a heavy object on a slippery surface combined with the need to follow the object so as to polish the ice in front of it can pose significant challenge to the less adept. Just check out this particular curling fail involving a man whose ability to shuffle down the ice is markedly impaired.

Still, despite the frictionless ice, the special shoes, and the glorified floor scrubber, it would appear that curling is much like golf – a challenging game of skill but not really an endeavor requiring any particular store of strength, endurance or stamina. So it came as a surprise when Russian curler Aleksandr Krushelnitckii and his playing partner wife lost out on a bronze medal after the Court of Arbitration for Sport officially ruled Krushelnitckii guilty of doping.

What possible reason could there be for a curler to dope? Mainlining Moosehead Ale to appear more like a Canadian?

Guns and Cheese

Trump sure knows how to convey empathy as exemplified by his cheesy grin and erect thumb in this official photo taken at the hospital where students are recovering from wounds inflicted by a mass shooter at Marjory Stoneham Douglas high school. Maybe he’s thinking something like “Shot at your high school? Get three free credits at Trump University (if you live to graduation.)”


Humira Horror Show

Someone please tell the little girl in this Humira ad (which is titled “Missing” by the way) to watch “Get Out” – and then run awaaaaaaay!!!!!

Term Unlimited

Now that China is moving to rescind its limit of two terms for its leader, let’s start the countdown clock to how long it takes for crazy Trumpsters to start calling in earnest for the same in the U.S. so as to Keep America Orange forever.

We at Major Terata give it to mid-March.

After all, what American wouldn’t want to return to a monarchy under the House of Trump. Next up in 2032, Queen Ivanka I.

Sleepwalking Sarah Sanders

After a full day of prevaricating in front of the cameras, White House spokesblob Sarah Huckabee Sanders likes to take a dreamy walk on the High Line.


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