Andrew Cuomo (pronounced derisively as “Coo-Mo” by such divergent wags as Jesse Jackson and Rush Limbaugh) will continue after November to be the governor of New York – and everyone in the Empire State will be worse for it. Cynthia Nixon of “Sex and the City” fame never had a chance, although she did her best to expose Andrew as the pompous, craven, inarticulate tool he clearly is.
Of course, Democrat Cuomo will steamroll over Republican opponent and spaghetti sauce flavor Marcus Molinaro, giving son-of-Mario the statewide mantle for a third full consecutive term (unless he bolts around 2020 to take on Trump, or whomever replaces Mr. Orange mid-stream.)
No one on earth can match Trump for sheer narcissism, prevarication, incompetence, brazenness and stupidity, but Andrew could make a decent horse-race out of it.
Trump’s speeches consist of repetitious random words spewed forth like a James Joyce novel translated from English to Mongolian to Urdu back to English, whereas Andrew speaks like the love child of Lurch and HAL from 2001 a Space Odyssey. Here’s Coomo trying to channel Martin Luther King but sounding more like an Atari version of Mr. Rogers trying to teach children how to pronounce “greatness.” (Luv the boos and groans.)
Fodder for the first Trump ad in 2019 should Cuomo run against him
Coomo lovers extol the man’s accomplishments on gun control and minimum wage, but everyone else sees him as an ambitious yet rudderless politician willing to tack in whatever direction the winds take him.
We at Major Terata were not avid fans of Mario, and the animus continues double for the son. Here are some recent Coomo charades that have left us disenchanted.
Tappan Zee Bridge
Andrew drove a proposal to rename the rebuilt multi-billion dollar Tappan Zee Bridge connecting Rockland and Westchester Counties as the Mario Cuomo Bridge. Pure upside-down nepotism – and fruitless, as everyone will still call it the Tappan Zee, just like the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Mid-Hudson Bridge is still called the Mid-Hudson, and the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge is still called the Tri-Borough. But forget the name. Andrew, in a ploy to generate enthusiasm for his tepid gubernatorial campaign, planned a grand opening of the bridge before it was ready. Sure enough, the day after Coomo and a bunch of “dignitaries” assembled on the deck of the south span to dedicate the new bridge a major part of the old bridge seemed ready to give way and possibly crash into the new bridge. Prudence would have guided a better man to delay the circus until all was safe – but not photo-op Coomo. Imagine the tweets from Trump had the old Tappan Zee had given way and taken out Andrew and Hillary and the rest of the gang.
Aide goes to prison
Andrew considered his close aide, Joseph Percoco, as like a brother to him. That is until Percoco was found guilty of fraud and accepting bribes. Right under Coomo’s proboscis. Percoco was convicted in March of accepting more than $300,000 from companies that wanted to influence decisions by the Cuomo administration – and as skeptics, we must assume he succeeded to some degree. Coomo called the whole sordid affair a “human tragedy” but in the midst of an election, it was essentially, “Joe who?”
Cynthia Nixon tried hard to make this shitball stick to Andrew but voters never considered her a viable opponent. Still, it’s hard to believe anyone would believe Coomo and Percoco weren’t giving each other tantric massages.
For some fucked up reason late in the campaign, Coomo aides believed it would be wise to try to turn voters against Cynthia Nixon by virtue of her not being sufficiently anti-anti-Semitism – the kind of accusation that plays well in NYC. And it might have worked had Nixon not been raising two Jewish children. Oops.
The state Democratic Party, controlled by Coomo, mailed a flier to about 7,000 Jewish households right before Rosh Hashana and the primary which claimed, among other BS, that Cynthia Nixon had been “silent on the rise of anti-Semitism.”
Although Coomo tried to ooze away from the debacle by claiming the flyer was the idea of some unknown derelict with no connection to his campaign, it was revealed shortly afterwards that one of Coomo’s former top aides approved it. Given that Coomo was a good 40 points ahead of Nixon at the time, it seems the play was borderline retarded. He was going to win, so why hand his Republican opponent a stick with which to hit him over the head.
That’s just the Coomo goombah style. It works in (enough of) New York, but in the rest of the country – not likely so much.
Clearly, Andrew Coomo intends to take on Orange Man in 2019 – but expect a deluge of counter-slime from Trump at his upstart opponent, starting with a dopey nickname like Andy of Gayberry, Little Orphan Andy, Low-Hygiene Andy, or Coo-Magnon Man.
When in the Pilot House Restaurant in North Carolina – order something from a can
To no one’s surprise, following the deluge that was known as Hurricane Florence, man-made lagoons holding millions of gallons of coal ash broke down and spilled their vile goo into streams and rivers, including the famed Cape Fear River. What is coal ash? It’s the detritus that’s left behind when power plants burn coal to generate power – the stuff that cancers are made of.
Coal ash contains mercury, arsenic, lead and a host of other three-syllable elements that have been known to kill people as far back as Julius Caesar and Sun Tzu. So when such a slurry of toxins spills out of its confines into rivers from which humans draw once-potable water, bad things happen.
Suddenly, all those MAGA-hatted, pro-coal patriots come running to the government (run by a socialist deep state) for compensation – also known as handouts.
Coal was a wonder in the time of William of Wallace, but in the 21st century – a point when knowledge of scientific phenomenon exceeds that all of humanity for the previous 10,000 years – you’d think we’d be past burning coal for any reason. Any reason except for votes in West Virginia.
People in the Carolinas who are now drinking and bathing in power-plant waste: take a shallow breath and consider your next vote.