My favorite splenetic xenophobe, Lou Dobbs, has a new book out. So does former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. And like virtually every book penned by political pundits these have one-word titles. I suppose the publishers’ thinking is that a choice, in-your-face “concept” word can simultaneously rally the believers and enrage the other side. Or maybe it’s a variant of the old word association game where the subject matter is instantly understood. George Bush … moron. Alex Rodriguez … Roids. Bill Clinton … cumstain. Al Sharpton … Tawana. Papa John Pizza … cardboard.
Dobbs’s new addition to the already clogged category of political screeds is called “Upheaval” and the cover depicts Screwy Louie smirking in front of a chalkboard, drawing some meaningless arrows and circles. Inside is an attack on the half-assed establishment Republicans who by ignoring the wisdom of the omniscient Tea Party faithful allowed a complete failure like Obama to win reelection with 65,915,796 votes.
No doubt, Lou will sell a ton of books by virtue of his privilege to promote them through his TV show – not unlike Bill O’Reilly who Fox News chairman Roger Ailes once called “a book salesman with a TV show.”
Gates’s new kiss-and-tell book is titled “Duty” – which I suspect members of the Obama administration refer to as “Doody”. Too eager to wait for his boss to go back to civilian status before taking a dump on his head, Gates pulls one of the more slimy tactics in punditry: briefly acknowledging the subject’s well-meaning integrity before pulling out the long knives and eviscerating the man’s appalling ineptitude.
Gates praises Obama as a rigorous thinker who frequently made decisions opposed by his political advisers or that would be unpopular with his fellow Democrats. Then he quickly kicks him in the balls for being a pussy by not fighting the Taliban for another 100 years in Afghanistan. Later on in the book, Gates calls VP Joe Biden “a man of integrity,” but then immediately questions his judgment. “I think he has been wrong on nearly every major foreign policy and national security issue over the past four decades.” Four decades of being wrong? So that’s the secret to keeping your seat in Congress. (Sidebar: I never understood why a Democrat president would select a Republican to be SECDEF [Clinton – William Perry, Obama – Gates]; it merely serves to reinforce the widely-held belief that Dems are lame on defense and require supervision by an iron-sacked Republican to manage USA security for them. Stupid.)
Anyway, the single word title thing seems to be the vogue for political books. Consider these stellar examples of best-selling punditry: Glenn Beck – “Cowards”, Rachel Maddow –“Drift”, Robert Reich – “Reason”, Juan Williams – “Enough”. But the undisputed queen of one-word wonders has to be Ann Coulter, author of “Slander”, “Treason”, “Godless”, “Guilty” and “Demonic.” Wow – she should take charge of the committee to reform the list of the seven deadly sins.
Given the trend, I expect some of these books to come to market in the next 18 months:
“Flatulence” by Chris Christie. Energy policy from the 2016 presidential hopeful.
“Priapism” by Anthony Weiner. Congress is hard, Twitter is hard, Weiner is hard.
“Frotting” by Jim McGreevy. Politics rubs the former Jersey governor the right way.
“Anencephaly” by Michelle Malkin. An exercise to prove a book can be written by a person with no brain.
“Helmet” by Nancy Grace. Her majesty’s take on capital offense hairdos.
“Addled” by Jon Voight. ACORN! Saul Alinsky! Jeremiah Wright! ACORN! Jeremi— Uh, um, who took my soup? I want my soup back.
“Cunt” – The unauthorized autobiography of Ann Coulter as told by her vagina.